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A Man's Guide to the Seduction and
Sexual Enchantment of Women
by Michael Pilinski
Copyright © 2007-2009 Kipling Kat Publishing Co.& MichaelPilinski
All Rights Reserved
Published by the Kipling Kat Publishing Company, West Seneca, NY14224U.S.A. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publicationmay be illegally reproduced,stored in a retrieval system, ortransmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,mechanical,recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission ofKipling KatPublishing Company. Violators will be prosecuted to thefullest extent of the law.Contacthttp://www.highstatusmale.com/rights.htmfor information onexcerpting andquoting. © 2007-2009 Kipling Kat Publishing Co.
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Dedicated to all the girls who probably still hate me(I forgotall your names, sorry)
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A Man's Guide to the Seduction and
Sexual Enchantment of Women
by Michael Pilinski
Introduction.....................................................................7
Part 1:Understanding You
Your 7 Necessary Skills as aMan:...................................... 18
Self Reliance..................................................................20
Emotional Balance......................................................... 23
A Realistic Self Image.................................................... 28
Fear and Pain Control.................................................... 37
Sexual Confidence......................................................... 48
Financial Sanity..............................................................50
A Standard Mate Hunting Routine.................................. 56
Developing An Edge For Yourself............................................ 58
Crackpots and First Impressions.............................................. 59
Part 2:Understanding Her
Five Essential Things to Know AboutWomen................... 64
Hot Chickness is a Superpower..................................... 65
Self-Transcendence Makes Her Different ......................73
Attraction For Her is All About Chemistry....................... 81
She Can Cheat, You Can't............................................. 91
Eye Contact Defines a Woman's Romantic Universe..... 95
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Part 3:Meeting Women
The Mechanics of Attraction..................................................... 115
What Women Want to Hear..................................................... 120
Complicated Pick-up Lines Kill................................................. 122EffectiveOpening Comments................................................... 123
Pull-Tabbing.............................................................................126
Reading Her Mood...................................................................132
Confess Your Fear...................................................................134
Pacing the Conversation.......................................................... 136
Custom Commenting...............................................................137
Revealing the Hit......................................................................139
Set Her Up for the Close.......................................................... 144
Card Sharking..........................................................................146
Meeting Women in Bars and Clubs......................................... 153
A Fictional Example of Pull-Tabbing........................................ 158
Part 4:Dating Her
The Dreaded First Phone Call................................................. 171
Image, Investigation & Escalation........................................... 180
The Three Date Master Seduction.......................................... 188
Date #1 -- The ActionDate..................................................191
Action = Passion............................................................193
First Visual Impression.................................................. 194
Flowers and Candy?...................................................... 196
Setting Yourself Up for the Second Date .......................198
Date #2 -- The ConnectingDate.......................................... 201
Spark Her Up.................................................................205
5 Critical Steps to Avoiding the Friends Zone ................206
Your Behaviors Create a Trance.................................... 211
Non-Verbal Signs of Interest.......................................... 214
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Date #3 -- The Romance Date
No Fear in the Red zone................................................ 216
Benevolent Manipulation................................................ 219
Negotiating Closeness................................................... 223
Part 5:Her Sexual Enchantment
The Trance of Romance Revisited........................................... 232
Custom Designed Sexual Seduction........................................ 234
Her Sexual Enchantment.......................................................... 236
First Sex...................................................................................240
First Sex Do's-and-Don't's........................................................ 243
Second Sex..............................................................................246
Passion Models the Response You Desire.............................. 249
Third Sex the Infinite and Beyond............................................ 253
Helga the Horrible....................................................................257
Defining the Perfect Sexual Partner......................................... 262
Keep the Child in You Alive...................................................... 267
Shamelessness is the Key....................................................... 270
Conclusion:The Clock NeverRests..................................................273
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lright Romeo, why don’t you give it a rest for a couple minutes?That’senough for now...”
The man’s voice pushed its way through the metallic din of rockmusic
blasting away no less than 30 feet away from me in all its’garage-band glory. He
sounded like an older guy, maybe ten years older than me.Mid-twenties. At the
moment I didn’t care – I was buried tongue-deep in some girls’face who I’d only
met a few minutes earlier... kissing her as if I needed to stealthe air from her
lungs in order to survive. How long were we going at it? We’dbeen making out
on the bleachers for so long now that I had lost track of time.Long enough topiss this guy off I guess. Whoever the hell hewas.
I ignored him, hoping that if I just lingered inside thedelicious mouth of this
girl who’s name I didn’t yet know, he would eventuallydisappear... a figment of
my psychedelic love-high. My girl smelled so wonderful, a mix ofB.O. and hippy
teen perfume that enhanced the dreamlike quality of our sharedtrance. Then I
felt a hand rudely clasp my shoulder and shake me back and forthagainst her
tight little freshman breasts.
“Comon Romeo,” the voice said again, more sternly this time,“knock it off!”
I drew away from my woman and watched the flickering colors ofthe
school gymnasium melt back into focus all around me. My eyeszoomed in on
the guy looming over me dressed in solid black. I stared at himfor a second and
wondered what his problem was, then the stiff white collarimpacted my fogged
brain like a punch in the gut and I understood immediately...priest. Presumably,
Father had just about had enough of watching me make out with agirl who
probably sat in the front of his English class here at BishopCarroll High School.
“Whadya say we take a break there for awhile, okay?” He lookedto be
fresh out of the seminary. Young Father could’ve been a prickand made a
scene, but he didn’t and that was cool. So I did what he askedand leaned away
from my girl. What’s-her-name looked scared like she was aboutto puke or
something, so I untangled myself nonchalantly and slid farenough away so that
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her hurl would miss me. She pretended to become busy fluffingher hair and
wouldn’t even look at Father Dude, who’d kindly backed off a fewfeet but was
apparently going to continue to monitor the situation forawhile. Nameless
mumbled something about her friends or that she would see melater and then
high-tailed it out of there fast, totally embarrassed. Noproblem. I would catch up
with her later on, if I wanted to – if something better didn’tcome sliding along.
This was all just shooting fish in a barrel for me, you see.
I never did see her again that evening, but that’s okay. I wassoon face-to-
face with another schoolgirl that I knew from the neighborhoodlater on that
evening, Marsha whats-her-name. She wanted me too, I could tell,but Marsha
could remain in a holding pattern until I was good and ready to‘take her’. She,
along with several girls from my circle of friends, were allcurrently serving as
fantasy fodder for a kid who was wacking off 3 times a day (andcouldn’t scare up
a shred of p*rn to save his life back in ‘68!) But so what?...she was mine...anytime I wanted her. Mine for the taking.
Reality could wait for now. I was having too much fun living outthis
adventure... mostly inside my own head, unfortunately.
* * *A few weeks later, I received a letter in the mailaddressed to me. A hand-
addressed letter. Hmmm? What could this be I thought, as Iopened it under the
suspicious eye of my mom. The letter turned out to be amysterious, unsigned
note from a girl who claimed that she lived on the next blockwhere I delivered
newspapers, and that she thought I was cute, and etc. Hey, shehad a crush on
the paperboy! What would you expect? She told me inthis letter that if I was
interested in knowing more about who she was, that I should weara blue shirtor
something else blue next Monday while doing my route. She wouldbe watching,
and if I produced this positive signal then another letter wouldbe forthcoming with
more cluesas to her identity. Too cute or what?Ha!...yet another helpless fish
in the barrel looking for my attention!
My nosey mom was curious about the letter, but I wouldn’t lether know that
the message was from a girl. I told her it was just some stupidsh*t from my dumb
ass buddy down the street, that he was just messing around. Yousee, mom
certainly would’ve seized on the opportunity to make fun of mein her uniquely
shame-instilling way had I dared to tell her that some girl wasexpressing an
interest in me romantically. This part of my life had to remaintop secret. Little
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did I know at the time that mom was slowly but surely poisoningmy spirit by
causing me to feel ashamed of these types of perfectly normalfeelings – but that
was something I would not yet understand for another 25years.
I wracked my brain thinking about all the people who lived upand down
both sides of that long street (I had a huge, 80housepaper route!) in order to
puzzle out who this girl could possibly be. By process ofelimination I was
eventually able to narrow it down to one particular girl wholived right near the
start of the route near Walden avenue. I think her name was Sueor something?
I could remember her giving me the classic little shy smile oncewhen I was
collecting at her house. Big disappointment – she wasn’t really“my type”
(whatever the hell that means at such a young age), and so Idecided not to play
her game.
And so I made sure not to wear anything blue that day, andapparently shemade note of this unfortunate fact because I neverreceived another letter from
her. Too bad.
Years later I would run across “Sue” in a nearly passed-outdrunken state
at a nightclub that myself and my buddies frequented. I heardthat she was an
easy slu*t. And to think that she could’ve been my first realgirlfriend if only I’d
worn a blue shirt that day. Now 19, I was still a virgin but,eh... so what? With my
luck I would’ve probably just knocked her up and been stuck withher anyway.
Then what would mom have thought?
The important thing was she could’ve been mine for thetaking,ifI had
actually wanted her. But I passed her up for other more temptingfish in the
barrel... fish that I never actually landed, but hey, so what?No big deal, right?
* * *Sometimes a single defining moment can crystallizeeverything for you all
at once, but not necessarily steer you off in a good direction.I had such areverse-gear moment at another high school dance laterthat year. Remember,
this was a time when you usually didn’t bring a date along to afunction like this –
you were expected to somehow know how to "pick one up" once yougot to the
event. At fifteen years of age. Yeah right... pass that bottleof Cherry Mist wine
this way, wouldja?
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Anyway at some point during the evening, I found myself out onthe dance
floor with this girl who I’d barely been able to say a word tobecause the music
was so loud. I’m talking about non-contact 60's style fastdancing here of course,
so we never actually touched each other. When the song ended, apivotal
moment in my life occurred. As the noise subsided for a momentand I moved in
closer to introduce myself with a nice big smile, her reactionto me could only be
described as stunning. When this girl saw me take a stepin her direction, her
eyes bugged-out with a horrified look as if I were some kind ofheadless
creature... and then she quickly darted away in a panic andvanished into the
crowd... In a panic!
I have no recollection of what this girl actually looked likebecause the
moment was so filled with disbelief, but I will never, everforget that look in her
eyes. It was a look of sheer terror! I realize now of course,years later, that
she was probably just responding to her own anxiety as a boy wasabout to “hit”on her, but that’s not how it impacted my young mindat the time. To me, it
seemed as though my very appearance was frightening to her insome way. I
wasn’t merely geeky or awkward as teenagers generally are insocial situations, I
was a monster of some sort. I was horrible to her… horrifying toall women! Girls
were staggering back from me in terror when they saw me lurchingin their
direction...
I was Frankenstein!
Sullen, I left the dance early and walked home very alone thatnight, utterly
shaken to the core by this experience. Hey, I knew I was nohandsome star
quarterback or anything, but it never occurred to me that I wasactually repulsive
to women. What a shocking slap of cold reality! For the firstand fortunately only
time in my life, I actually thought about killing myself… that’show hideous and
inhuman I felt at that moment. It was a feeling that I wouldcontinue to carry with
me in some form or another for years. And all because of asingle, surprise
reaction from a girl that I’d mistakenly interpreted as being anaccurate
assessment of my un-worthiness as a man!
I was making a very dangerous, generalized assumption about myself-
worth based on a very small sample of data, but I truly believedthat if one female
selected at random regarded me in this terribly unflatteringmanner then they
must all think this way, right? This was a very criticalthinking errorthat
would haunt me for a very long time.
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What I didn't fully understand at the time was that in thatinstant of frivolous
rejection, whatever little self-assurance in my fledglingromantic abilities I may’ve
fooled myself into thinking I possessed had been completelyobliterated… not to
return again in any real sense for another 12 years. Good thingI couldn't see
that far into the future, or maybe I would’ve chugged thehemlock that night.
* * *
Horrible as it may’ve been for my social development which wasby now
firmly on a Woody Allen-like path to non-existence, none of thepreceding bullsh*t
really mattered in the big picture of my life. That’s becausethe real fish that I was
after were these two girls from my neighborhood who wereabsolutely drop-dead
gorgeous. The kind of girls that older guys get themselves introuble even
looking at. Let’s call them Laura and Mandy. They were both theyounger sistersof my two close buddies, and I still felt like I hada corner on them. I’d always
assumed they were mine for the taking whenever I decided to getaround to it of
course. Actually, there was a third girl in the mix too, but shewas almost like a
sister to me and although I pounded out buckets of wasted ji*zzthinking about
these three girls almost every day of my teenage life, mydesigns were on either
Laura or Mandy.
As they were each a bit younger than me I continued to toy withthem for
now however, waiting... waiting until the time was right for meto decide on which
one I would take as my Girlfriend. There was plenty of time yousee... they were
money in the bank – maybe still a little too immature yet. Iwould tease them
along and allow them to both season a bit before making mychoice. I was
having so much fun just anticipating all the thrills that wouldfollow once I laid my
claim to one of them and finally (you guessed it...)madeher mine!
Then one day the unthinkable happened. Two guys showed up outof
nowhere (actually, from an adjacent neighborhood) and stole bothof my girls!
Ned and Danny were their names, and they’d apparently met Lauraand Mandy at
the local public swimming pool and swept them away with adisplay of boyishcharm or whatever. Before long, the four of themwere an item around the hood,
hanging around and double-dating as boyfriends andgirlfriends...right under my
nose!
Up until this time remember, I’d been flirting around with boththese girls
like I owned them. It was intoxicating at my young age to havethis sort of
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attention from these flowering beauties constantly beingdirected my way, and
now suddenly they were gone.
Intoxicating is a good word to describe the high of thoseindescribable
rushes of passion that happen when the hormones of adolescencefirst begin to
make themselves known. It is literally a chemical high.But when you rip away
the source of that high you come face to face with the sinisterflip side of
intoxication: withdrawal. For me, just knowing that these girlswere more fish in
the barrel provided a sense of anticipation that was as good asthe real thing
(okay, which I had yet to experience, but still, perception canbereality if you have
no reference in reality). Now in an instant it’d been swipedaway by these two
pricks from the other side of the tracks!
And the attitude changein my two girls was startlingto me as well.
Whereas before I could flirt with them and expect a delightfulreturn volley, Isuddenly found they’d turned cold to me. Refusingto make eye contact, moving
away whenever I got too close to them physically. Laura evenbecame somewhat
contemptuous at one point, telling me once that I should “be aman and go find
my own girlfriend”. You know, just like her little Danny hadfound her. Little bitch!
This state of affairs was unacceptable to the 15 year old me,and the jealously
and rage boiled like hot lava.
I had a big problem though... I couldn’t fully express what Iwas feeling
without seeming like a complete fool because my “claim” on themhad alwaysbeen strictly within my own head – it was apparent nowthat there’d never been
any true reciprocal desire. All my flirting around had beenviewed far differently
by Laura and Mandy. They were just practicing I guess, markingtime until the
right guys came along to sweep them away like fairyprincesses.
My suppressed rage began to make me irrational. Dan and Nedbecame
frequent faces around the neighborhood and I couldn’t help butencounter them a
See AlsoBuffett: How Inflation Swindles the Equity Investorcsinvesting.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Inflation... · 2019. 10. 18. · by Warren E. Buffett Fortune, Vol. XCV, No. 5, May - [PDF Document]SCHEDULE FOR FORMATIVE ASSESSMENTS: 2013-14 Class 7 English... · FORMATIVE ASSESSMENT- I 50 Marks MCQ/ OBJECTIVE- [30 Marks] HOLIDAY HOMEWORK- [15 Marks] NOTE BOOK SUBMISSION - [PDF Document]USFWS Seeks Gunnison Sage-Grouse CommentJournal articles: 'Television. Labor contract' – Grafiatilot. Ned actually split up with Mandy and began dating adifferent girl after a few
weeks, but Danny continued on with Laura (who naturally becamethe focus of
my unrequited “love”) and his annoying personality soon began tograte on me.
He was a big time bullsh*tter... weaving all sorts of ridiculousstories about every
stupid little experience that he ever had, blowing everythingout of proportion, etc.
And he sort of took delight in the fact that he was f*cking achick that I dug. That
was it, this kid had to die. Plain and simple.
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Well of course, I wasn’t really going to kill him or anything,but he definitely
needed a good ass-whipping. And of course with my flair for thedramatic, this
wasn’t going to go down with me just getting up in his grill thenext time I saw him
or anything like that. I was going to hunt him down and make himpay for his
transgressions... James Bond style!
That’s right, it was time to prepare for a mission.
So one night when I was sure that he could probably be foundhanging out
somewhere around the hood with “my” girl, I saddled up for mymission. I’d
already taken the liberty of buying a bottle of liquid courageat a nearby liquor
store and stashing it in the fields near my house. Back in the60's, it was
laughably easy to get fake proof and misrepresent your way intobars or even buy
beer at the corner store. By age 15 I already had long hair,sideburns and a
moustache and could easily pass for 18, which was legal drinkingage. No onechecked like they do today because no one gave a sh*twhat the f*ck kids were
out there doing as long as they didn’t burn the house down(which I almost did
anyway trying to make my own model rocket fuel, but that’sanother story ;-).
Dressed from head to toe in Special Ops black (except for mydirty
sneakers of course) I left the house about 9 PM at nightfall andheaded for the
fields. At my secret spot near an open trestle I dug out thefifth of Ol’ Granddad
I’d hidden and began doing shots. It was sometime near the startof July, but I
remember it was past the Fourth already. Fifteen years old,1969. Men wouldwalk the moon in just a few weeks for the first timeever, but for this private moon
mission I felt I needed to get a little juiced because normallyI wasn’t the sort of
guy to pick a fight. I had to make sure my righteous ragesuper-powered me
above and beyond any rational misgivings that I might encounterwhen the
moment of truth arrived and I was finally locked-up with thispunk Dan. So the
booze was necessary I thought. Hey, teenage logic at work.
I moved stealthily through the neighborhood for what must’vebeen close to
an hour, pacing out a grid of streets. Searching. None of myfriends seemed to
be out this evening – the corners where we all usually hungaround were empty.
No Danny boy, no nothing. Undissuaded, I continued stalking myhuman prey,
Ninja-like... moving like a tipsy black ghost up and down theside streets. By now
I’d consumed about a fourth of the fifth, and let me tell youthat things were
beginning to get a bit wobbly.
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Then suddenly when I peeked through a couple of adjoining yards,I
thought I spotted someone familiar walking down another streetparallel to the
one I was presently stumbling along. It was just a fleetingglimpse before I lost
sight of him, but the kid seemed about Dan’s built and it wouldlikely be him
because this was close to where Laura lived. He must’ve been ather house, and
now was headed home!
Now was my chance! But there was a problem... there wouldn’t betime for
me to catch him even by running the full length of the street Iwas on and then
over to the nearest crossroad. The only way I could get himwould be to cut
across through the yards and head him off before he couldescape. Ha... perfect!
James Bond style!
Missile-locked on my target now, I slipped into the yard andwent up andover the fence at a point I knew would be clear landingson the opposite side.
You see, for kicks myself and several of my friends used to gofence-hopping
throughout our neighborhood. We were so skilled that at onepoint I timed us for
fun and discovered we could go the entire length of our street –54 houses – in
about 8 minutes. This yard was part of that familiar chain andso I cruised
through it like an old friend and was right up behind Dan in afew seconds. I
walked up, dropped a hand on his shoulder and spun him around. Iwanted to
see the startled look in his eyes just before I slugged him. Hewas startled all
right, but goddamn...it wasn’t him. I didn’t knowwho this dude was.
“Oh sorry man, I thought you were one of my buddies”. I offeredup this
lame excuse and the guy was on his way. sh*t. Now suddenly,drunken me
became convinced that it wasn’t going to be in the cards fortonight... that Dan
simply wasn’t anywhere to be found. Disheartened, I ducked intosomeone’s
driveway and started hopping the fences back to my house. Abouthalfway home
some guy was in his yard tossing out the garbage and he siccedhis f*cking dog
on me. I just barely made it over the fence with a GermanShepard or some
other beast snapping away hungrily at my ass. I cut back ontothe regular
sidewalk and lurched the rest of the way back home, then Ninjaedmyself back
into the house silently so as not to wake my parents.
Upstairs, sprawled out on my bed, the room whirled like a top. Ifelt a little
trickle of what I would later discover to be blood running downthe inside of my
left forearm where I’d probably cut myself on one of the manyfences I’d jumped.
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Or maybe the dog had gotten a chunk of me – there would be noway to know
until I died of rabies I suppose.
I turned in my licence to kill. Mission un-accomplished.
* * *
The preceding time-skip down ol’ memory lane was brought toyou
courtesy of my clueless and confused adolescence – and,thirty-five years later,
I’m still trying to recover from fundamental mistakes made andthen hard-wired
into me during that time of gaiety and wonderment. I offer upthese funny stories
from my misguided “yoot” in order to demonstrate my humble rootsto you. I
believe it’s important for you to understand that the book youare about to read isnot the work of some highly-degreed researchpsychologist or the fruit of some
grad-school dissertation. It comes straight from the heart of aguy who needed to
learn this stuff in order to save his own life, and it carries agood chunk of my soul
along with it.
You therefore won’t find a lot of footnotes, statistical chartsoutlining the
results of double-blind studies, or even an extensivebibliography to back up
every little claim that I make. Nor am I going to blow a lot ofsunshine up your
ass and tell you that my eclectic knowledge of women is drawnfrom my vast
experience as a world-hopping playboy. As you just comicallywitnessed, I lost
about ten years of valuable social activity due to mydelusional, misguided and
dreadful late start. I ended up doing things with women at26 that I should’ve
been doing at 16, having experiences at 35 that I should’ve hadat 25. That sort
of busted social life required a powerful amount of thinking tostraighten out, and
that’s mainly what I’ll be looking to pass along all throughoutthe book to you, the
reader.
So what can you expect to learn from this hard-boiledspilling-of-the-guts
that you’re poised to read? My earlier book dealt with thepsychological problemof rejection fear, the concept of toxic shame,and it introduced the idea of male
status and dominant behavior as primary markers of maleattractiveness. This
book will also have its share of theorizing, especially in thefirst two segments, but
it will always seek to present practicalsolutionsfor you to use at every turn. In
that sense it’s more of a workbook than a textbook.
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With She’s Yours for the Taking,I will be making anattempt to gobeyond the notion of picking up women as an end initself, and instead will
address the entire scope of seduction from ‘hello there’ toscreaming org*sm.
What I’ve tried to do is construct a concise Romantic Plan thatwill allowyou to take a woman with which you share some mutualdesire and bond her
soul to your ownwithin only a few weeks... orperhaps even days. This is a big
chunk of meat I’ve torn off for myself, I’m sure you’ll let meknow if it was more
than I can chew.
Before we go boring full speed into this thing though, I have tomake sure
you grasp both the significance and the limitations suggested bythe title of this
book.
Am I making the ultimate bold assertion here or what? Am Isaying that
you can read this book and then nail anygirl thatyou want?... that you can just
point to some random chick and say, “she’s mine”?No, that’s crazy and
impossible. I would have to be a total huckster to make such aridiculous
assertion, and you would have to be a complete dunce to believeit. There’s no
accounting for every single little quirk of cognition in thehuman mind – we are all
as different as snowflakes and it will continue to be so untilthey start turning us
out in clone factories like Twinkies. Your odds of scoring anyparticular woman
are always something less than absolute simply because there aretoo many
variables in the game of attraction to ever have them reduced toa simple formulathat can be run like some automated device. Humansdon’t work that way, and
I’m sure you understand this.
The things I will show you in this book are designed to improveyour odds
tremendously at every step along the way from the moment offirst seeing some
girl who catches your fancy, to actually turning her into arobust sex partner. But
of course there can be no concrete guarantees. Too many guys getfixated on a
certain girl and their mission becomes to land heraloneto the exclusion of all
other possibilities, and this is a pathetic way to approach thisgrand adventure.You already saw how such warped thinkingfacilitated my own adolescent
ruination – I lost out on a lot of great sex and many good timesbecause of my
woefully misguided beliefs that people had to somehow be bent tomy Will, or
they were just another worthless part of the problem.
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I know that some of you guys may’ve bought this book because youfeel
you absolutely have toscore that raven-haired chickin the third last row of your
poli-sci class and nothing else will do! But I’mhere to tell you there’s no way to
force such a thing to happen with absolute certainty. And anyonewho tells you
so is full of sh*t.
By sheer lousy luck, for instance, you could bear a strikingresemblance to
“Raven’s” dear old uncle Fester whom she fondly remembers ashaving yellow
teeth, booze breath and was always making her sit on his lap sohe could running
his greasy hands all over her little 8 year old behind. How areyou going to fight
such a deeply-ingrained creepy memory like that which could bestuck way down
in her subconscious mind like hardened glue? A disturbing oldmemory that your
facehappens to trigger? How you gonna do it?
You’ll do it by unlocking your narrowed focus and waking up to aworld ofromantic possibility that extends far beyond that one girl,that’s how. By learning
when it’s best to take a shot and when it’s best to move on andpreserve your
confidence to fight another day. By learning to see the universeof females as a
playground to be savored during all the various phases that youwill eventually
experience throughout the grand sweep of your own life. Your’sfor the taking?
In the end, probably more than you can handle.
Hell, if I can just convince you to go ahead and wear thegoddamn blue
shirt when you finally have a chance to, maybe I’ll havesucceeded!
Alright then, let’s get ready to rock your world...
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Your 7 Necessary Skills as a Man
have a confession. When I wrote my first book a few yearsago, I wasworking with a half a tank of gas. Sure, I had figuredout several critical aspects
about women based mainly on all the many good and badexperiences that I’d
personally had with them. I admit now though that mypresentation may’ve been
somewhat limited because I had only a single case to drawfrom... namely, my
own. A sample of onecan never span the full range ofpossibilities regardless of
the subject, and certainly not one as complex and wide-rangingas the human
emotional life, can it? I knew what problems I had experiencedin my own life that
had held me back, but that hardly comprised a clinical trial.Regardless, I wrote
that book anyway.
Well that situation has changed during the interveningyears...to say theleast! You see, as part of thepackage of bonuses that I offered along with that
first e-book I invited readers to send in their questions andconcerns about
women... how best to deal with crazy female behaviors,strategies to mend a
broken heart, how to let a girl down easy that you just didn’tdig, etc. I have since
been honored with stories shared by men from all over the worldon this
fascinating yet maddening subject. The results were anever-ending source of
amazement to me...extraordinarily revealing, an education intheir own right.
And I would think that the manner in which I came to know ofthese thingswas far more effective than any staged clinical trialcould ever be... because the
information was not pulled from some questionnaire that had beenpassed out to
a controlled cross-section of men from all varioussocio-economic classes and
cultures... it was all self-volunteered.
Ask and ye shall receive. Man, did ye ever!
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Representing a detached virtual voice on the other end of ane-mail
address meant that guys were willing to spill out their guts tome in a way I’m sure
they would’ve never dreamed of doing in the presence of a friend– or perhaps
even a live therapist. In this sense I guess they certainly wereacting “without
embarrassment”... with me anyway!
I got mail on topics that were completely offtopicas much as they
concerned romantic issues regarding women. Lots ofmeaning-of-life kind of stuff
that I tried my best to answer whenever possible. Questionsabout rage and
projecting imagined feelings onto others who didn’t deserve it,about standing
down bullies at school anddealing with middlemanagement punks in the
corporate world. About breaking a lifelong pattern of sweepinggeneral failure –
even about sexual addictions and suffocating phobias. Many ofthese exchanges
are posted on my website in the Author’s Forum. Go have apeek if you haven’t
seen some of them yet: www.HighStatusMale.com/forum_01.htm
The point is, this wide range of concerns from men all over theworld
gradually crystalized into a pattern that began to communicateto me what it was
that troubled them most. Not just about women, but about life ingeneral. Now I
had feedback that finally went beyond just my own personalexperience base!
This feedback proved to be an incredible education for me, andso I began to
take notes... notes that were peppered with question marks.After many months I
went back through these notes in an attempt to simplify anddistill out only the
most vitally important issues – things that were reallypreventing guys fromgrabbing life by the balls and living it to themax. After a while, I was able to boil
this list down to seven major areaswhere guys seemed to behaving the most
difficulty with their lives. Here they are:
Self Reliance
Emotional Balance
Realistic Self Image
Fear and Pain Control
Sexual Confidence
Financial Sanity
A Standard Mate-hunting Routine
This is by no means an exhaustive list of every conceivablemens’ issue of
course – although further examination may become possible inyour own lifeas a
result of your finally being forced to confront them. You see,as these 7
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necessary skills are tended to and the anxieties they producebegin to disappear,
you may become inspired to explore more personal issues likephilosophy and
spirituality, focus your efforts on wherever your dreamsmay lead you. Things of
this nature.
Bottom line: I think the trouble many guys have hooking up withwomen
stems from the fact that a lot of their mental house needs to beput in order. If
you can get a handle on the most troublesome areas of your life,who’s to say
what romantic adventures are awaiting the new & improvedyou? Suspend
disbelief for a few minutes now and put your thinking cap on.How much of the
following is relevant in your own life?
Self Reliance
The concept of your personal level of self-reliance is closelylinked withyour feelings about yourself as a man. The moreself-reliant you are in a general
sense, the more confident you will feel about most everythingelse in your world,
including your ability to deal with women. You might be able tosweet talk your
consciousmind into believing that being 32 years oldand still living in your
parents basem*nt is no big deal because you haven’t had “yourbreak” yet, but
there’s no fooling your unconscious mind. It understands yourdependancy and
the fears that drive it, and since this is where your basicself-image is rooted you
can be certain that it will effect the vibe that you put outaround women.
And P.S. it will not be a good vibe. And Double P.S. you won’tbe able to
hide behind a phoney front.
Guys who are overdue to have flown the coop think they can foolwomen
into overlooking their sub-standard lifestyle by sinking theirentire fortune into a
hot set of 4x4 wheels with a nice concrete-cracking boomboxlaying out a sonic
vapor trail behind them. This is known as “driving around inyour net worth”. It
doesn’t take a mathematical genius to figure out that the onlyway a guy who
sweeps floors for $6 bucks an hour can afford such a great rideis if his rent,utilities, groceries, etc. are still being paid forby mom and dad.
This notion of self-reliance is closely tied to your age as wellof course. If
you’re still in high school, no one expects you to be living inyour own apartment
yet. Or if you’re working your way through college I supposeit’s alright too. But
42 and still double-bunking in the trailer with mom?
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This issue isn’t entirely about how you’re being perceived byothers
(although that is a big factor) – it’s also about how you viewyourself. Namely,
as a child. For a man especially, allowing yourself to remaindependant on
someone else for your basic support and survival is insidiouslydestructive to your
sense of male power and authority. Always in the backgroundlurks this
uncomfortable feeling that you are somehow notquitea man yet – no matter how
gruff you try to act or how much body art you ink on. The badthing is that this
sense takes root in your unconscious mind where it leaks outunrealized through
your general attitude. And women have highly sensitive antennawhen it comes
to sizing you up – as we’ll see in the next section.
Beyond the corrosive effect that living under someone else’swing has on
your self-confidence are the mundane logistical problems that italso presents
when trying to seduce women. In the segment on Dating that we’lltackle later on
in this book, I’ll show you how the third date (the “get laid”date) hinges on yourbeing able to set things up environmentally sothat you have the necessary
privacythat it requires to nail her. When I was 22years old and still living under
the watchful hawk-eye of my mom, the only privacy I hadavailable for trying to
make out with chicks (and/or feel them up) was the back of mysh*tbucket ‘67
Ford Econoline van!... Hippies arise!
Talk about doing it WITHembarrassment! This hulk waslittle more than
rolling humiliation spray-painted in K-Mart blue... and directlyfrom f*ckin’ spray
cans! We’re talking Third World paint job here.Tooling around in that bucket it’slittle wonder why, at that phaseof my life, I considered myself little more than a
f*cking wormwith my self-esteem buried down in thenegative numbers
somewhere.
Now 22 would still be okay to be hanging around at home if Iwere grinding
my way through college or just starting out on a career track orsomething – but
I’d blown all that off in favor of a string of minimum wage jobsthat might as well
have paid off in bags of saltfor all they were worthto me in terms of generating
any self-respect.
I tell you this pathetic tale of woe only because I get lettersfrom guys all
over the world who claim to have this and that problem withwomen – but I can
tell from the background info they give me on themselves thattheir real problem
stems from the way in which they live. Dependant on others– parents, older
siblings, roommates... the kindness of O.J. Simpson, whatever.You simply can’t
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regard yourself as a Man when you’re under someone else’seconomic thumb, no
matter what other benefits you may use to justify it. Youbasically can focus all
your time and moneyon playing around and buying allsorts of fun junk for
yourself, instead of paying for stupid sh*t like, you know...rent and electricity. The
inertia of any given lifestyle that you’ve settled into can betough to overcome
because it has numerous addictive factors. Why kill the goldengoose?
And yes... there’s bad news as well. Living on your own meansspending a
significant amount of your time on mundane crap like shoppingand cleaning and
doing the occasional load of sh*tty laundry – while wasting yourvaluable
Playstation 3 money on things like rent, cable-gas-electricbills and groceries...
stuff that you’re pretty much already getting for next tonothing. It therefore feels
like a major step backwardsto have to suddenly workhard in order to continue to
have most of what you already currently own for free.
But we’re not talking about convenience here... we’re talkingabout theemotional effect this lifestyle has on your consciousness.On your confidence–
your sense of pride and maturity that goes along withdemonstrating the ability to
fend for yourself. It may not seem like a big deal at first, butthe attitudinal shift
born of striking out on your own will be evident in the sparkleit puts in your eye
and the spring in your step. And the women will take notice.
Howto go about setting up your home or apartment soit becomes the
ultimate chick-trap is something that I detailed in my firstbook, so I won’t repeat
everything here. Suffice to say that until you are actually inyour own place
paying your own bills, you won’t have an opportunity to designyour own playpen
anyway. So time’s a wastin’!
I myself stayed at home too long because I felt it was moreimportant for
me to preserve the ability to tell my boss to go f*ck himselfthan be free and
independent – and there was no way I could do that with a fatmortgage or rent
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payment hanging over my head like an axe ready to fall. Theywould’ve known I
was trapped, that I was their virtual slave, and that I wouldhave to kiss their ass
or else. Don’t be an asshole like I was back then – don’tlet your pride and your
false arrogance (disabled Will) paint you into a corner and robyou of your male
honor. It’s more important cut the cord and begin your soloadventure through life
as your own manno matter the sacrifices. Thepositive change it will have on
your self-worth and attitude are as good as gold– and can behard to imagine if
you haven’t stepped off this cliff yet.
But the women sure will notice.
Emotional Balance
Balance is a concept that I hammer on constantly because Ibelieve that
walking the midpoint stripe between fanatical extremes in anyarea of humaninterest is the best way to go, whether you’re talkingabout how often you allow
yourself to get wrapped up in work or a hobby (like golf), orhow much time you
spend being serious vs. playful and humorous. Going too much ineither direction
in any area of your life is troublesome. People can only take somuch of our
bullsh*t. If you let yourself become known as “Mr. _____”because you’re so
obsessed with some kind of nutty behavior, it won’t be longbefore most everyone
is avoiding you like the plague. Or they mock you behind yourback, or fear you,
or... whatever.
None of this is beneficial to the promotion of a vigorous sociallife. Any
over-expressed personality imbalance can drive people far enoughfrom your
orbit that it makes whatever opportunities you dogetall but useless. For
instance, if you typically stumble into one chanceto hookup with a girl once
every two years or something like that, it does you no goodbecause your skills
are so atrophied from non-use that you’re almost certain to f*ckit up anyway. It’s
from others who find your personality attractive in some waythat your best
opportunitieswith women will tend to pop up – eitherdirectly or via a fortunate fix-
up, etc. You need to keep yourself interesting to other peopleall the time.That’s why it’s important to clean out yourcrazy character habits. Change up, do
something out of your normal disposition once in a while.Surprise people!
Balance is all about finding a happy medium betweenemotional
quandaries like anger and boredomor independence andloneliness. Between
being “Mr. Non-stop Joke-a-Minute” or some miserable, humorlessprick. If
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you’re the kind of guy who is constantly judging everyone aroundyou for
instance, it’s only a matter of time before you find yourselfbecoming excessively
concerned that strangers everywhere are doing the same thing toyou. It won’t
be long before you’re fretting over the consequence of everylittle action that you
take or word you speak until complete social paralysis setsin.
The way to avoid this trap is to become more responsibleto
your desires,and less a slave to your fears.
Guys who have ongoing difficulties with women can also havesomething of
an isolationist personalityholding them back. Theytypically have highly active
minds capable of easily entertaining themselves with technicalor academic
pursuits. Guys like this know how to have too much fun insidetheir own heads
(like me!). While a classic introvert-type mentality is quitenormal, many times it
doesn’t provide you with a very rich pallette to supportordinary conversation.
Especially when it comes to seduction. Most of the stuff youspend your time
thinking about is boring to most women – and because youprobably spend more
time thinking rather than doing, you don’t have an experiencebase of adventures
to talk about either. See how the loop closes in on itself,keeping you trapped in
the same old repeating behaviors that get you nowhere?
I know there can be a lot of mental inertia to deal with. If weallow
ourselves to become heavily over-invested in the way in which webehave, and
these habits are closely linked to our sense of self,thenit becomes unnerving tocontemplate making radical changes thatwould threaten to “snuff us out” (our
precious Ego, I mean).
If you’ve spun a web of weird behaviors and close-minded worldviews, it
will ultimately become impossible to escape from them withoutgreat distress
when the time ultimately comes to move on to the next phase ofyour life.
Remember, life is a series of phasesthat pass awaywith time whether
we like it or not! People get into trouble becausethey cling to some phase oftheir life they’ve fallen in love withlong after the time when it should’ve been
chucked. This was a major stumbling block in my own life fordecades. I seemed
like I was always 10 years behind where I should’ve been interms of my
emotional, social and financial development. Tenyears!
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I was making mistakes with women at 26 I should’ve already madeat 16 if I
would’ve been living my life correctly back then... makingcareer inroads at 40
that should’ve been accomplished at 30, and so on. Howhumiliating, how
childish! And this was mainly because I would get stuck in aparticular phase but
fail to do the work to complete itand move on. My problemwas mostly one of
fearof change, but you can just as easilybecome enamored with some comfy
phase of your life and refuse to give it up. It’s like the dudewho peaks out in high
school and never wants to grow up and graduate because then hegoes back to
being a nobody. But you can’t act like a high-schooler forever,and the longer
you try the more of a walking embarrassment you become toyourself. The Iron-
clad Rule of Living sets a time limiton each andevery phase your life – including
those that you cling to beyond the point where you should’vealready moved on.
This inertia, no matter its cause, ensures that you willeventually be regarded as a
gentile fool to be pitied or patronized.
And the women will take note. And they will rejectaccordingly!
This fight for balance by appropriately heeding the call of Timewill involve
an internal struggle that might well be tougher than anyseduction you could ever
attempt. Mental reframing is a lot like overthrowing agovernment in terms of
difficulty, and for much the same reason – there are a lot ofpeople deeply
invested in perpetuation of the status quo and they plan tofight you to the death
to keep things just the way they are! In a similar fashion, yourbrain has
fabricated a level of ease with your current emotional/comfortstatus quo and itwill fight any effort of yours to change anythingsignificant about your world.
This battle is a critical confrontation that you must have withyourself
however, no matter the pain involved. As I mentioned earlier, itmay involve
trading-in the monster truck for a used Altima or putting theX-Box on E-Bay if
that’s what it takes to pay the bills piling up in your newapartment, but you will
emerge phoenix-like from this battle a better man. Hell, perhapsa Man for the
first time in your life!
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yourself as a man on a very intimate level like this, it’sunlikely you’ll reach a
Master’s Level gaming women no matter how many hypnotic tricksyou learn.
By welcoming every new phase of your life instead of hiding fromit, you
can begin to turn this idea of meeting and seducing women into afun lifestyleforyourself that you can embrace with enthusiasmand total clarity, rather than
viewing it as some grueling chore. Andthat’sultimately how you’ll make it work
for yourself.
Shove All Your High-Minded Obsessions
And finally, a word about obsessions. The root of many weird-opersonality
traits can be traced to some manner of obsession that has pulledyou deep into
its own special brand of madness. I hate this sh*t. It’sbecoming a global
problem. Here’s the bottom line with any kind of personalobsession as far as I’mconcerned – if you have come to believe inanythingto the point that it dominates
your mind so much you feel you have to run around talking aboutit incessantly,
then somewhere along the way you’ve allowed yourself to becomebrainwashed.
Plain and simple. You have surrendered control of yourconsciousness to some
idea, organization, cause, insane parent, religious ideal,charismatic individual or
other manipulative force that now commands your thinking andrules your soul.
Why you did this to yourself in the first place doesn’t matterto me and shouldn’t
matter to you either. You just have to f*cking stop it.Crush it. Fight back and
reclaim your right to ownyour own mind. That’s all.Real simple. Here’s my ownlittle personal creed for you when itcomes to external entities ruling my Mind.
Feel free to adopt it as your own:
!"
I am the single, sole and onlysource of all myideas, goals, dreams and
personal philosophies on the Meaning of MyLife. No oneelse can dareto tellme how to live my life, it justdoesn’t happen. On my planet, this isn’t allowed.
And if those who would enlist me into serving their interests atthe expense of my
own don’t like it, they can board the next shuttle to Mars andget the f*ck off my
planet. Permanently. Got it?
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Take a cue from me and snap out of it right now, today.Give whoever
currently owns your mind the royal flying f*ck you... andthen stand back and
laugh as they turn pink with rage. I don’t care who the f*ckthey think they are,
how much power they supposedly think they have (I got some sadnews for them,
they have noneactually), or how compelling their argumentsfor your continuedallegiance to theircause-idea-religion-philosophy might be. You’re done. You’re
out. You’re returning to the land of the living and embracingthe popular culture
so that you can fit in and become normal.
So you can begin to live on yourterms, a.k.a., theonlyterms that should
ever matter to you.
A Realistic Self Image
Another one of the mental house-cleaning tasks I would suggestyou
perform somewhere along the line is the cultivation of arealistic self-image.
Problems based on how you imaginethat the rest ofthe world sees you will
manifest themselves into all sorts of odd behaviors and neuroticpersonality
habits that will seriously limit your social effectiveness. As ageneral rule, guys
are usually far too hard on themselves when it comes toassessing how they look
physically or are presenting themselves to the world. They’rethe first ones to call
themselves ‘fat’ or ugly or some other disparaging adjective,and it’s possible to
take this sort of humility waytoo far, and thatwould be the point where it
negatively effects your projection of male power and status.
Just as if it’s probably not wise to have too high an opinion ofyourself that
can’t be supported by reality, it’s equally destructive to viewyourself as
permanently residing in the extreme lower end of the scale aswell. Far worse,
actually. At least you can fool yourself into taking a fewsocial risks here and
there if you’re working with an inflatedego – but adeflated one gets you
absolutely nowhere. With women, in the business world, oranywhere else for
that matter.
!
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My own self-image sucked for a long time all throughout my 20'sand early
30's, and it turned out to be a self-imposed handicap that wasneedlessly and
tragically borne. I was too short, too ugly, losing my hair,blah-blah. You know
the drill. The constant barrage of self-inflicted mentalputdowns weighed down
my confidence to the point of complete social inaction. That’sthe hellborn place
where you give up... where you surrender all hope ofsuccess and stop making
any further effort – because you’ve established an internalbelief that no matter
what you do, various indelible components of your physical /mental make-up will
conspire to destroy your efforts anyway. So why even try? Thisis a bad place, a
state of hopelessness. It lays down the framework for whatpsychologists call ISI,
Inadequate Self Image. A fancy clinical way of describinga person who’s view of
himself is mis-matched negatively with the way others view him.Too hard on
himself, too critical, too demanding of impossible performancestandards, etc.
I personally believe this ISI is a manifestation of a morepervasive form of
self-hatred. ISI contains a component of arrogance as well– this notion that I
can hold such high performance standards for myself in terms oflooks,
accomplishments and social magnetism that no one, not evenmyself,can meetthem. Followed to its logical conclusion, thiswould mean that a lot of other
people also don’t make the cut either, but they have theaudacity to make
something of themselves anyway – by cheating!...bybelieving themselves to be
better than they actually are. By not allowing themselves to behandcuffed by the
same ultra-high standards that are holding you back.
That’s okay though, because thinking in this manner has the sidebenefit of
providing a twisted justification for your own self-loathing andthus provides you
with a feeling of false superiority! You’rebetterthan everyone else becauseyou at least have thenobility to recognize and honor your own inadequacies.
Now you get to hate yourself andevery one elsetoo...what a great deal! Isn’t it
cool how we can work some dinky little 5% payoff into whateversort of mental
prison that we create for ourselves? Ya gotta love the humanmind... a work in
progress we are indeed. Far from complete.
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Anyway, I was able to eventually bootstrap myself out of thisrepeating loop
of madness by deciding to substituteself-acceptance forself-castigation. That
was the big mental leap for me – this overriding idea that itwas okay just to be
me rather than longing to be something I had no hope of everbecoming. I re-set
my targets for personal accomplishment into the range of thepossible rather than
the impossible. I decided to open my mental prison cell and givemyself parole.
And you can do it too. We’re all the same basic arrangement ofcarbon
atoms after all. I’ve identified three stepsto makeembracing this process for
yourself a painless and straightforward deal, here they are:
1) Change what you can. Do a ruthlessly honestre-assessment of
yourself. One thing you may discover is that your look is wayoverdue for a
clean-up and style upgrade. I’m not going to harp on basics liketaking a shower
or figuring out how to unscrew the lid off a bottle ofmouthwash... you can’tpossibly be that far gone. But if you are,then skate over to
www.scrubmynuts.comand get a clue about personal hygiene,wouldja? To
quote Dean Wormer from the movie Animal House:“Fat,drunk and stupid is no
way to go through life, son.” To which I would add “...orsmelling like a farm
animal.”
What most guys will mostly need is an upgrade to their hairstyleand
wardrobe. In a word, make it all current. Burn those sh*ttydepartment store,
middle-aged-man checkered shirts and get some stylish clothes.Pick up a fewmen’s magazines like GQandPlayboyand Maximor whatever and use themfor
some starting ideas. Take a woman shopping with you (even yoursister if that’s
all you can scare up) and let her design a new look for you.Chicks love to blow
an afternoon doing sh*t like this, their pupils begin to dilateas if they took a
needleful of china white as soon as you pull into the mallparking lot for
christsakes! Just be sure that whatever you end up buying fillsthese two
requirements: 1) It’s something you are comfortablewearingand won’t feel like
a fool walking around in (get a casual look and then somethingmore dressy for
going out), and 2) make sure that it’s age appropriate. Turnthat ballcap aroundyou thirty-something yo-yo, you’re not foolinganyone anymore. Liberate that
f*cking bald spot! ;-)
The other part of the equation is your head... hairstyleand facial hair
primarily (and maybe also trade in those uncleanable,scratched-up glasses for a
set of contacts or a lazik correction?). Still walking aroundwith that Joe Dirt
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mullet? Naughty naughty, silly boy. A shaved “Kojak” head willget you farther
nowadays. And that thick black moustache reminds me of thesecond guy from
the left in the Village People line-up... you know, the one withthe chaps and the
ass cutout? Naturally, whatever sort of hirsute surgery you endup doing to
yourself, you’ll have to take into account your own culturalspecifics depending on
what part of the world you happen to be living in. You know whatto do. It’s
called letting go of the past and getting on with life.Think of it as a
refreshing change of pace for your tired old self. And you’lllove the sudden
attention you’ll be getting from ze chicks!
And finally, hit the gym and lose the spare tire. I did it andI’m an old fart.
You can too. This makes you feel great along with boosting yourtestosterone
and sex drive – which translates into an aggression with theladies that they dig
seeing from guys! You won’t believe it until you tryit. Even if you still have little
stick-man arms and was the guy who spent his entire high schoolcareer beingstuffed in lockers, you’ll look more cut and it willimprove the way you carry
yourself. And, as an added benefit, you might not be so afraidto bust some prick
in the chops next time you get in a pissing contest instead ofbacking down like a
beta-male little girl! Male status is calibrated in such ways,gentlemen.
2) Mask what you can’t. Things that really bother youabout your
personal appearance like your height, for instance, arephysically impossible to
change. So I developed a mental truce with my own limitedstature that allowed
me to mostly ignore it. This would be the same with somethinglike the basicshape of your face or whatever. What else can you do?Realizing that you
can’t be everything to everyone is the key. It’s like sellingany product... this
book for instance. As much as I would like to sell a copy toevery human on
earth, I know that it appeals only to a certain niche segment ofthe market... guys
who are having romantic trouble with women which stems fromtheir inability to
either meet them or coerce them into intimacy beyond the earlydating stage. To
most people, this stuff is of no real interest because theirromantic situation is
either settled or they’re too young or old to care anymore. Orthey’re womenand
this book is targeted at men, etc. So I can only write a book,anybook, to appealto a certain thin slice of humanity.One slice at a time.
What I’m trying to say is that nothing and no one has universalappeal, it
just doesn’t happen. And it’s the same with personalappeal too – our charm only
works on certain individuals no matter how hard we tap dance forthem. We
cannot be universally liked by everyone! It just isn’t possiblebecause there
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are a wide range of body styles, and most people are onlyattracted to certain
types of them. Some of you guys like your women short and bustyfor instance,
others go for the tall flat-chested look. Well, women have asimilar range of likes
and dislikes in men’s bodies as well – which means that alltypes have some
appeal to somebody!
Your task is to dispense with the arroganceofstriving for universal appeal
– which is an inhumanrequirement designed onlyto cement your feet to the
ground socially as part of your program of self-hatred – andrealize that you do
appeal to some small (or large) niche of women... whatever youhappen to look
like.
Your job is to seek out these individuals... and present themwith the
opportunity to get to know you!
3) Develop a Theme for yourself and SELL it wherever yougo. Use
your new-found self-acceptance to model a theme for yourselfthat will appeal to
some niche of women, regardless of who they happen to be. I gointo this idea in
more detail in the next section, so I’m not going to elaborateon it right now. Just
know that your look ties together with your personality tocreate a theme for
yourself that works quietly to either intrigue women, or turnthem off.
* * *As long as we’re on this subject of self-image and gettingreal, allow me to
dramatize the essentials of the whole High StatusMale(HSM) vs. Low Status
Male(LSM) thing for you with a quick theoreticalexample...
Silly Sally is checking out two guys across the room whovisuallyappear
pretty much the same to her, Alpha and Beta. There’s no way shecan tell who
has the bigger bank account, the more grandiose accomplishmentsin life, the
more rockin’ career path or the better lifestyle to offer her.What Silly needs is a
clue to make this assessment deep inside her little chick brain.Both guys check
her out. Nice ta-ta’s, they think. Alpha makes eye contact,fires off an easy
smile, and then walks over and says hello and kids around withher a bit. No big
deal... to Alpha. But to Beta such an act is a huge deal.You see, Beta can’t
quite bring himself to go after what he desires the same waythat Alpha does, so
he loses out quite a bit. But there’s more to this story.
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Silly Sally still has no factualinformation aboutthe qualities of either guy
that I described above, but she now thinks Alpha’s probably the“hotter” of the
two, and here’s why: the high status male is conditioned tovictoryin many
aspects of his life – and therefore his actions and attitudesignals aneasy
confidence intaking a risk.
Easy confidence.
Since Beta typically has experienced far less success in hisefforts, he’s
more likely to hang back in the weeds and wait for things toclearly break his way
before taking action. But that doesn’t always happen becauselife refuses to
serve up the goods so easily sometimes. It makes you dig themout for yourself.
That’s just the way it is.
So Beta’s “holding back” behavior creates a visible signal thatsuggests
he’s not been very successful at making his own breaks in thepast.
But here’s the kicker: the realityof Alpha and Beta’s truesituations could
be exactly the opposite of what it appears. Since neither islikely to approach her
open bank-book in hand, Silly has no way of knowing what thescore is between
these tofor a fact. The only thing she has to go onis a read of Alpha & Beta
based on their outward behavior towards her. Nothing else.That’s why
image and actions need to be managed carefully and not allowedto run wild.
We’ll get into this idea further in later sections
Innate talents which allow you to simulate Alpha-type behaviorsthat triggerattraction in women stem mostly from your own sense ofwhat’s possible for you
to realistically accomplish. Women clue in on certain thingsabout you in order to
make a personal judgment of your “hotness”. These clues take theform of
behaviors in yourself – a willingness to make and maintain goodclean eye-
contact for instance, one dumb joke that you cringe at but shehappened to think
was actually funny, even just a desire toplay thegameand flirt with her can be
enough to set her off... regardless of any clumsy effort on yourpart. Sometimes
you float the ball up in the air trying to avoid a sack and youget picked off for a
touchdown the other way. Hey, it happens.
But sometimes... one of your own receivers gets himselfunder it on the fly
and catches all the defenders flat-footed. See ya in the endzone!
Women color their hair, lay on the makeup, pump up their tit*with pure
silicone and wear high heels that make their calves and assespop out just the
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way we like them. It’s all an illusiondesigned tosignal men of their desirability.
We do the same thing, only differently. Guys develop a style andthemeand
wear an attitude or an “air” about them that suggests they areconquerors of life
rather than its victims. See, it’s all an illusion.Everything we do on both sides of
the ball in this game of romance is a grand illusion. And youcan play too!
All you have to do is pull your head out of your ass and getbusy creating
an illusion for yourself that most women will likely dig. Getbusy.
Dealing With Severe Shyness
This may be a possible side-issue for you that can totally smashall your
social hopes and dreams, so I’m going to take a few pages toaddress it now
even if a major case of shyness is not your particular problem.I know this will be
of help to many of you guys though.
I used to be painfully shy at one point early in my life, so Iknow what a
crushing burden it can be. It’s perfectly natural and normal tosometimes feel a
little bit unsure of how our actions are being observed andpossibly judged by
others, but true shyness is a painfully self-focused sensationwhere you feel as if
you are being exposed to the critical scrutiny and judgement ofeveryone else
all of the time, relentlessly. Shyness is a cautionarymode we retreat into
whenever we have insufficient data about the individualssurrounding us, or are
overly concerned about how we are appearing to them. This isespecially truewhen men find themselves in the presence ofbeautiful, intimidating women.
First, you should understand why you need to make every effortto avoid
acting shy whenever you can, and I’m not just talking abouttrying to pick up
women but everywhere and all the time. The reason why shyness isdestructive
to your chances for pursuing social opportunities may seemobvious, but the true
reason may actually surprise you...
Most people simply don’t likeshy people. Why? Because theywillusually begin to empathize with a shy person’s visiblediscomfort...and then
they will begin to unconsciously mirror it!
See, when you act shy in front of another person your behaviorhas the
effect of drawing upthat person’s own innate shynessand bringing it to the
forefront of their consciousness. In effect, you are a walking,talking “shyness
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(hey, it was the big “in vogue” martial art to know back in the70's!) and he wasn’t
afraid to use it when pressed. The most amazing part is that henever expected
anything in return from these beta males. It was just how he wasbrought up to
be... a character guy, even as a kid.
Well let me tell you, by senior year this guy oversaw an entirelegionof
nerds who would’ve gladly laid down their life for him! Just asimple act of
kindness here and there was enough to build goodwill that wouldlast a lifetime
(and who knows where all those connections might one day lead?Last I heard,
he’d left a plum corporate job to partner up with a friend fromhigh school who
was running a multi-million dollar business. One of his “nerd”buddies you
think?). It will be amazing to see how many people show up at mygood friend’s
funeral someday (hopefully far, far in the future). You’llprobably think the King of
Siam himself died!
The point is that anyone can concoct a little bit of thismagical stuff for
himself even if you’re not star quarterback material. Theprojection of charisma is
far more a psychological deal than it is dependent upon somephysical quality
that you may or may not possess (sh*t, Hitler was certainly noGQ model!). Just a
little timely friendliness when needed, a sympathetic ear lenthere or there – and
before long you’ll have a little following of friends who dighanging out with you.
And who knows... some of them may even turn out to be mightycute!
Fear and Pain Control
“Courage is doing what you are plain scared to do.
There is no courage without fear.”
Eddie Richenbacher, WW I American Ace fighting pilot
150 solo missions, 26 kills
What makes a man a man is not what’s between his legs but how heuses
it, and I don’t mean sexually. I mean balls... courage.The degree to which youcan become the master of fear and pain inyour life will pretty much dictate your
eventual level of social and financial achievement. There’s noeasy way around
the supremacy of fear in our lives. If there was, then no onewould be afraid of
anything and everyone would be a high achiever and stormingalong out there
living the Hugh Hefner lifestyle. I’m not some wizard who holdsthe Great Grand
Answer to such monumental questions either, but Idohave a few ideas that
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might help soothe some of your anxieties the next time you’vegot a shot at
meeting a cute girl. It’s all about learning to recognize choicepoints,andwhen
it’s in your best interest to take a punch in the face. I kidyou not.
Fear... It’s Always Inside Your Armor
There’s an old saying among soldiers that no matter how muchbody armor
you bolt on there’s always one enemy who has the upper hand inany firefight.
That’s because this foe hides insideyour armor. Theenemy of which I speak of
course, is fear. Fear. Ancient and pre-human... the mostpowerful of drives,
hardwired directly into the marrow of the brain.
As men, our relationship with our own fear is what sets us apartfrom one
another. Those who stand toe-to-toe with their fears and acceptrisks are almost
always the ones that make it into the top 10% of the “highstatus male” scale thatI slobber on about relentlessly. Justconsider the panoply fears there are to
overcome in life... fear of risking your ego by standing infront of an audience and
speaking... of putting your life savings on the line to start abusiness... of going for
a job interview or audition for something that’s way over yourhead talent-wise...
of betting all your money on a single stock pick... taking aswipe at a guy who’s
wronged you in some way, even though he’s stronger and likely towin the fight.
And of course, fear of going up to that foxy girl over there andasking her out for
coffee!
These are the fears that shape our time on earth. To the degreethat we
either face them down or run away fashions the template uponwhich the story of
our life is written.
As you know I get lots of letters from my readers and some ofthem
incorporate important lessons that I feel should be shared.Here’s one that I got
recently from a guy who was rambling on about a particularsituation he was
having with a woman in his class at college. He went intoelaborate detail about
how he happened to smile at her one day in class, and how sheinitially returnedhis smile, but then seemed to quickly look awayand ignore him. This guy
became tormented over the “secret meaning” that he was convincedthis single
brief action on her part must’ve held. What sort of judgementhad she placed on
his status as a man? The letter went on and on, but there wasnothing of note
until I hit the part about two pagesin where hementioned his age. He was 63.
Sixty-three!
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A guy this old was getting all bent out of shape over thereaction of a girl
that was young enough to be his grand-daughter? A twogeneration age gap?
So I wrote back and asked him to clarify some things for me, andhe sent back a
long sad letter recounting numerous failings that he’d had withwomen all
throughout his life. Here’s a sampling of some of the things hewrote:
In junior high, I took a girl to a movie, put my arm aroundher
eventually, and she grabbed my hand and pulled it over her tit.I
pulled back my hand like her tit was a hot potato! What a fool!I
think it was several days later before I realized what a mistakeI'd
made.
I was in a car with another girl a short time later, and we
started getting cozy, but then I patted her rather roughly onthe top of
the head. That was the end of any more coziness with thatgirl!
Later in my twenties, I shared a flat with a married couple.
The man went out of town for a couple weeks, and before he left,he
intimated that I should make myself at home with his wife.She
intimated the same thing. I had been hornier than a hoot owl,but
somehow it never occurred to me to take advantage of thatsituation.
Maybe it's just as well, because I think those things generallydo not
work out in the long run. But that was not my reasoning at thetime.
I think I was just trying to keep myself miserable.
Just trying to keep myself miserable? Somemore...
In my thirties, I went into a sandwich shop where I saw oneof
the most beautiful women working behind the counter. I wasfeeling
very self-confident that day, and no doubt it showed. She tookmy
order and asked me, "What's your name?" "Richard," I answered.I
thought of asking her name in return, but I stopped myself.
I couldn’t get her out of my head all that week. The next timeI
went in there, she held my gaze for an unusually long time. WhenI
got to the front of the line though, I was too self-conscious toactually
say anything to her, except for what kind of sandwich I wanted.The
next time I saw her, she would not look at me any more.
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Many of us would quickly forget this sort of nothing incident.Not so with a
man who’s trapped in a endless cycle of bum luck though.Obsession with a
missed opportunity still continues to haunt him. Itcontinues:
To bring this issue more up to date, I had anotheropportunity
not too long ago to flirt with the woman I told you about in myearlier
letter. It would have been very simple and easy to speak to heras
soon as I saw her, since I had something very simple and safeto
say. But I guess I wanted to wait for the perfectopportunityor
something. If I had just spoken to her I would haveestablished
myself as someone that talks to her, and everything would bemore
comfortable and I could have taken it from there. A factor is myage
(63), of course. If I were younger, at least I could feeljustified in
inviting her to lunch or something. I am mostly interested injust
flirting with her now-- I need some excitement in my life. But Ineedsome justification, somehow.
And finally, dismally, this observation:
Too bad I waited so many years to begin this journey. Ifeel
that I am just about ready to make a change in my attitudeand
aspect, but how many years do I have left now? Maybe this isthe
meaning of the saying, youth is wasted on the young?...
Is there anything more sad than a life of regrets? Really, isthere? I
excerpted this gentlemen’s letter in order to extract the lessonwe all need to
have driven our skulls –that we cannot remain on atreadmill of fear and expect
our lives to improve significantly beyond the limited range ofpossibility defined by
those fears. What’s the source of yourfear?...Your body (height / weight), your
face, lack of sexual experience, your voice? Maybe your lack ofeducation or
social sophistication? Whatever it is, fear hides out insideyour armor where it’s
perfectly positioned to defeat whatever efforts you make to hidefrom it. It is the
Master Controller Emotion, the great, silent destroyer of ourdreams. In its
service you will fashion a life-long catalogue of regrets thatyou can review on
your deathbed.
It’s disturbing to have such a p*rnographic spectacle of thepower of fear
laid out before us like this, but it’s also a necessary firststep in coming to terms
with it. Trepidation doesn’t grab hold of you over-night... it’sskulking and
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imperceptible, built layer-upon-layer over the course of yearson the backs of
accumulated minor and major apprehensions. Eventually it sealsyour thinking
into a narrow track that keeps you stuck in an endless cyclethat is bound to keep
producing the same old results for you.
Self Defeating Behaviors
Fears that are manifest in commonly repeated patterns form partof a larger
psychological phenomenon known as Self Defeating Behaviors.SDB’s can
range from something as mundane as stuffing your face withchocolate in
response to some ordinary stress, all the way up to making majorlife mistakes
such as proposing marriage while you’re still starry-eyed “inlove” and then
ending up in divorce court a few years later. Then doing thesame thing again
sometimes 2 or 3 timesin your life until there’sbarely enough money left in your
bank account to buy yourself a noose!
I once read a great book on SDB’s that was rather complicatedand filled
with all sorts of diagrams and charts, but the key principle canbe stated quite
simply: an SDB runs in a loop from some triggering stimulus tothe actual self-
defeating behavior, and then repeats itself whenever thattriggering stimulus
appears again. The beginning of that process, however, alwaysincludes a
hidden choice pointthat would allow the person toselect a different behavior
and break this loop... if only they were aware that an optionexisted. It’s their lack
of awareness (that word again...) of this choice point whichkeeps them runningthe same loop over and over again. There doesn’teven have to be anything all
that compelling about the behavior itself, the problem is in thedamn thoughtless
re-looping.
Here’s how a Self Defeating Behavior operates:
TRIGGERING STIMULUS (*CHOICE POINT* )
SAFE “ESCAPE” BEHAVIOR
REGRET -- DISGUST -- SADNES
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